"You are," Ulla agrees, raw and grateful. Taylor's blood on her knife gave
this form back to her after it was taken. Even before their relationship
bloomed into what it is now. She's glad it was Taylor.
"I'm not sure. I don't think less." Whether or not it changes
things, she at least doesn't think it would make matters worse.
Taylor hugs her close again, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck. "Bodies are difficult. You make me feel like I'm not alone in mine," she says slowly, trying to put what she feels into words. And that's what she wants to offer to Ulla, but she doesn't want that offer to be a pressure.
"Did you know that the sort of eels I resemble only spawn once in
their lives? Some of their other organs shut down as they mature into that
stage of their lives. The parts of their body they use for it don't fully
develop until they're sliding toward a slow death. And it's nearly
impossible to tell eels apart until then, males and females seem so
similar."
She sighs, rolling her eyes a little as she adds wryly, "Of course I'm not
worried about dying, that would be silly, but it's one more question about
what my body has become. Because I'm not sildroher and I'm not an eel, I'm
something else entirely."
"Facts about eels are irrelevant," Ulla agrees, and takes a slow breath,
bracing herself to continue, "But my body, and you and me? That's probably
overdue, love."
"It's not about me. Even though I have a vested interest," she adds, with a crooked smile. "But you're living in this body." She caresses her again, hand moving slowly. "All of this. And all of it is unique, and magnificent, and yours."
Ulla sighs, leaning in to rest her forehead against Taylor's, murmuring
against her lips, "I should have at least talked to you about it sooner,
though. And... I feel safer with you than I would on my own."
"I want more with you than I do on my own, too." Ulla says, nuzzling
Taylor's cheek. "It's not just fear. I didn't know I could want
anyone the way I want you. You were the first person to lead me to that
part of myself, in any shape my body might take."
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"You are," Ulla agrees, raw and grateful. Taylor's blood on her knife gave this form back to her after it was taken. Even before their relationship bloomed into what it is now. She's glad it was Taylor.
"I'm not sure. I don't think less." Whether or not it changes things, she at least doesn't think it would make matters worse.
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"I'm glad." Ulla raises Taylor's hand to brush a kiss over her knuckles, and then another on her palm, and her wrist.
"Can I tell you some of the ridiculous things I was dwelling on, even though I doubt they matter?"
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"Did you know that the sort of eels I resemble only spawn once in their lives? Some of their other organs shut down as they mature into that stage of their lives. The parts of their body they use for it don't fully develop until they're sliding toward a slow death. And it's nearly impossible to tell eels apart until then, males and females seem so similar."
She sighs, rolling her eyes a little as she adds wryly, "Of course I'm not worried about dying, that would be silly, but it's one more question about what my body has become. Because I'm not sildroher and I'm not an eel, I'm something else entirely."
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"Do you want me to not focus on this?"
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"Facts about eels are irrelevant," Ulla agrees, and takes a slow breath, bracing herself to continue, "But my body, and you and me? That's probably overdue, love."
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Ulla sighs, leaning in to rest her forehead against Taylor's, murmuring against her lips, "I should have at least talked to you about it sooner, though. And... I feel safer with you than I would on my own."
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"I want to help you make your body a safe place for you," she murmurs there.
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"I want more with you than I do on my own, too." Ulla says, nuzzling Taylor's cheek. "It's not just fear. I didn't know I could want anyone the way I want you. You were the first person to lead me to that part of myself, in any shape my body might take."